Wednesday, July 27, 2005
The Struggle for Sincerity

Every week at church, I'd receive a weekly bulletin whereby the church updates the parish on it's weekly schedule, upcoming events, the parish scene and my personal favourite....an article from the friar.

This week the friar talks about "The Struggle for Sincerity". In his article, he exclaims "Much as the desire for sincerity haunts us, it's still difficult to be sincere. Why? Because too many things get between us and our real center. What things? The mind-set of our culture, fads, ideology, group-think, rationalizations, old wounds, present hurts, body chemistry, infatuations, private fantasies, among other things, help block us off our real thoughts and feelings...."

I guess this is the dilemma we all face. Face it...how many times in our interaction with people and society are we forced to say or do something which we may not necessary agree with? These little acts of hypocrisy are what we now term as "white lies" and we would tell these white lies to not only people we do not like...but also people who are dearest to us.Afterall, sometimes it is more important to maintain peace and harmony than forcing your thoughts through....well thats what I think anyway...maybe it's because of my personality...

To be sincere is to be uncorrupted...to be bare, transparent, uncoated and to be truly yourself, not covered by pretence, whim, fad or political correctness. To be sincere is to be without a mask. Seriously, nobody can do that. We can try but trust me, one can never achieve this. It's impossible...and let's say you do....you'll be the most lonely, most unsuccessful and disliked person in a society like ours.

I guess life is quite like the essays we have written back in school where our thoughts and ideas are influenced by popular, successful theories and ideals. We subscribe to writing the type of essays that got good marks by saying the stuff that could win us applause. Isn't that life as we know it?

Maybe thats why people prefer interacting with animals than their fellow humans...my dog will always be sincere and truthful to me...life is that simple between us....

Thursday, July 21, 2005
The Half Blood Prince

Actually bought the book on the 1st day it was launched. Not sure why i didn't borrow from my sister this time round...well...just could not be bothered to wait for her to finish I guess. Not that it made much of a difference anyway....these days I get very tired easily and I actually fell asleep after reading 2-3 pages....It has never happened before! Books have always kept me up and awake for hours....Anyway, I'm on page 47 only...still long way to go.... going off to try to read Harry Potty now...ta ta!

Having a maid

Today I found out how expensive it is to have a full-time maid. Even with all the subsidies and government benefits, having a maid is still very much a luxury for most middle-income Singaporean families. To me however, it is not so much a luxury as it is a necessity. This maid is hired specially because I have no one to look after my little Helena. This is what happens when your parents & in-laws are still young and working. Maybe thats why people are thinking twice about having children...there's just too much involved.

Besides the monthly levy and salary, there is also a one-time charge for the agency's fee and airfare. I have not even included the cost which I would have to incur for the maid's initial settle-in, as in the stuff I have to get for her eg soap / shampoo / sanitary napkins and maybe even clothes. All in all, I have estimated the one-time payment to be about $1K.

Aside from cost, I have to make sure that my 'benefits' as an employer is competitive as well. Alas! The maid who is recommended to me happens to have previous experience and her cousin is working for my other half's relative. Hence, there is precedence on the compensation & benefits. Well, since this lady is going to be looking after my little Helena, I would have to keep her happy lest my little baby be ill-treated. After reading all the horror stories about maid killing employer...about maid ill-treating children, I am a little sceptical about having a good maid. Many of my friends who do have maids gave me a word of advice "Do not trust them too much. Be strict with them else they'll walk all over you". I'm not too sure I can do that (look at my profile! Many people told me that I'm too nice most of the time...) *Sigh* I guess I'll have to take it a step at a time..and learn from this experience as it comes.

On another note, I did the actual MBTI test and my profile is actually ESFJ....the on-line test is probably not too accurate...but then again, i could be doing it in a different state of mind...***I am quite a Confused Person*** <*~*>

Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Maternity & Family Studio Photography

Last sunday I had a fun time posing in front of the camera, showing off my bulging tummy and newly bought lingerie (I bought this sheer set of bra and panties for the photoshoot....never could wear such lingerie as I was never busom enough but now that I'm preganant, it's a different story). Good thing too that the photographer is my other half so I had no qualms wearing such stuff and strutting around...*haa*

I had a few changes of clothes...from lingerie to shirt to shirt and jeans. Here is my collage, edited of course....can't possible display my lingerie shots all over the web can I?

Anyway, if anybody is interested to take such maternity photography or even family studio shots, just contact www.simplepleasures.bz (see link on right).

Saturday, July 16, 2005
Charity Work

During my sharing sessions in my RCIA class, the topic of charity work came up. Anyway, my cell group is supposed to organise one such activity where we can all participate so we were brain-storming on what we could do...everybody had their own interests of course (old age homes..children etc) but it was agreed then that children could be easier for us to deal with. I beg to differ...let me share one of the experience I had encountered during my last trip to a children's home.

We were visiting the Moral Home for the Disabled Children. This home is a private charity organisation (not subsidized by the government), runned by volunteer members of the public. The children occupants of the home are not disabled in the sense of being handicapped or crippled. It's just their mental state. The home was in a poor condition. The toilets were wet and dirty and the pipes were leaking. The gates barring the rooms are rusty and the rooms were is disarray. Tables and chairs were also in poor condition, some broken and had splinters at the sides. It was painful just to look at the place they stay and at the children. The children were nevertheless happy to see us, and they gathered around us and started talking to us. One of the girls started a conversation with me and my other half...she told us that she missed home and she hope that her sister will bring her home for the Chinese New Year. She shared that her sister had sent her here and had refused to take her back ever since a few years back. Silly me, I asked 'why' would her sister do that (Why - I think this is a forbidden question when you do visit the unfortunate...and unfortunately for me, I sadly learnt the truth). The girl became a little more violent and told us in crude mix of Hokkien and English that her father had sex with her a couple of times and her family has sort of blamed her for that. Her actual words were 'He put his penis into my chi-bai and have sex with me, you know....many nights he come into my room and use his lan to put inside my chi-bai'. We were shocked and did not know how to react. She continued to say her sister had reported the matter to the authorities and the police came, investigated and took her father away. She did not know that what her father did was worng and said that she liked her father a lot and that she did not mind what he had done to her. It was her sister's fault that she is in the home and that her father is serving time.

God! I was very disturbed after that episode. I mean it is still disturbing up to this moment. After that day, I knew for sure that I am not the sort who could do this on a long-term basis. I'll probably have nightmares after hearing the stories these children gotta share. These children, whose lives are messed up because there are perverted people in our world who would take advantage of their mental state. These stories stay with me for a long long time. Somehow, it's different hearing it with my own ears than reading from newspapers or from the TV. It's just so much more disturbing.

Movie - Fantastic 4

I didn't have high hopes when I went to watch this movie yesterday with my other half as friends and movie critics have 'bomb-shelled' this movie to the pits earlier. Well, honestly, it wasn't that bad. It was entertaining to a mid-point kinda level...what most would call a 'Popcorn' movie.

Story starts with bankrupt scientist, Reed Richards (aka Mr Fantastic as he is known later), having a brainwave on going to space. While in space, he & his team (namely Susan Storm - Invisible Woman, Ben Grimm - The Thing and Johnny Storm - Human Torch) encountered a space storm which had genetically altered their DNA...hence the birth of the Fantastic 4. Of course, like all Marvel comics, there is always a sinister villian...in this movie it took the form of gorgeous looking Victor Von Doom (who is portrayed by Julian Mcmahon also starring in drama series 'Nip-Tuck') aka Dr Doom (how convenient a name ain't it?). Anyway, it's a movie about good vs evil and the good will win as usual.

Predicable plot & storyline and shallow characters. But well, watch it for weekday entertainment.

Friday, July 15, 2005
My Schedule during my 3 months Maternity Leave

Some time ago, I started day-dreaming on the things/stuff I could do during my 3 months maternity leave. It's like wow! 3 months! I could do so many things....stuff which I had no time to do before! This must be the best part of pregnancy...suddenly all the weight gained, discomfort, stretch-marks and of course the painful delivery seems a little more worth it...

Anyway, the following are my plans...(frens...this is a call for you to contact me during this time, I wanna pack my 'holiday' full of activities)

1st month : Cannot do much during this period...in confinement and rest well besides the constant need to breastfeed Helena. If I'm having Helena through natural birth then I'll call for the Malay Massage for consecutive 14 days....if not, that will have to wait till the later part of my 2nd month 'holiday'. But this will give me time to plan for Helena's 1st month anniversary celebration as well.

2nd month : Still breastfeed but at least I'm out of 'jail'!
1. Going for my IPL treatment (for underarms...guess what, because of my pregnancy, somehow, my underarms became much much darker...so much so, I daren't lift up my arms now...*sigh* For those who have no idea what IPL is - here's the definition / article on it:

An all-time favorite among lunchtime photo-facials, IPL (more correctly called Flashlamps) uses filtered non-coherent light to selectively destroy melanin-laden cells, blood filled capillaries and hair roots in a process called Selective Photothermolysis. Understanding how the different chromophores absorb light has spawned a whole new field we now call "photo-rejuvenation."

* Permanently Reduce Unwanted or superfluous Hair
* Lighten Skin Hyperpigmentations (Freckles, Solar Keratosis, Lentigenes etc)
* Blast off fine capillaries
* Rejuvenate Skin and Increase Collagen Production
* Hasten recovery of active acne when treated with Differin

2. Hopefully, I can also start on my slimming regime by this month. I'll have about 8 kgs to lose before I go back to my original weight...maybe even a little slimmer than before....
3. Go for a perm/dye/hair-trim, it's getting a little messy and dreadful looking

3rd month : Still breastfeed....:-)
1. Plan for 8 days 7 nights Japan trip with my mum & sisters. My other half has volunteered to keep an eye on the baby while I'm away...Not sure it's wholly for the baby or for his own activities...nevermind, I can always send spies *keh keh* Anyway, not sure it's going to be Japan or shd I consider Paris....
2. Still continue on my slimming regime
3. Brush up on my mahjong skills cos' my friends (who are experts) might be coming over to play in the afternoons...yes, the so-called tai-tais who needn't work like the rest of us...

Anyway, when I showed my schedule to a few of my friends/colleagues, they all say I'm much too enthusiastic...normally there's no time for anything but the baby...prob won't have the time for myself either...but well...it's just my day-dream...hopefully, with the combine efforts of a maid, I can still achieve 50% of what I've planned....*heh heh*

NKF - What a liar!

Many of you should have read or heard about the NKF allegations by now...*gosh* I just donated to last week's NKF Cancer Programme while Adam Cheng was crooning away his songs. Luckily it was not much, just $5 bucks, cos' I called the right number. Do you know that if you called the number they are always announcing, it will not be a mere $5 bucks but $50 bucks?? Many of my frens where 'cheated' this way.

Anyway, despite all the 'ra-ra' thats going on, the people who suffer most will be the patients. I'm sure after this, there will not be many people who would call to donate already. They might as well well cancel this sun's programme to save themselves from all the embarrassment. They can very well survive for the next 30 years anyhow, so they might as well wait for all the excitement to die down...change the entire management and fo public with all their audit reports.

Take it from me, it's much better to pick a charity org on your own and arrange for a donation with them. Every year (almost), I tag along with one of my frens (I have to admire their determination and hard work on this) who would organise such an activity to a few homes (eg Bowen Home for the Aged, Moral Home for the disable children etc etc). Normally there are 2 to 3 organisations which we will visit in a day where we will bring them food, donation and interact with the residents. What we'll do is buy groceries (rice/mee-hoon, bread, canned food etc) , some electrical appliances like mini-compo etc and bring the goodies to these folks. Well, it isn't much but at least we know our money is going directly to the needy and not as somebody's bonus.

Thursday, July 07, 2005
My 3rd Trimester

I'm into my 3rd trimester of pregnancy now. God! I am big! My tummy has swelled to the size of 3 footballs. I feel so heavy and yes, I have difficulty sleeping too cos' most positions are uncomfortable. The only position which more comfortable for me is facing up but I am afraid that it might not give Helena enough space in the tummy...alas...this is the paraniod me talking....

Talking about paranoia...I have more stories to share....Ever since I knew I was pregnant, I have not drank any wine whatsoever (not that I drink alot, but even the occasional festive drink was a no-no to me then). But last saturday, I drank like 1 cm cup worth of red wine. I was told it is good for the baby. The baby was actually kicking quite a bit then but after I drank the wine, the kicking subsided...I was so worried!!!! I read this story from a magazine that a woman's baby died at 30 weeks with no rhyme or reason at all...so you image how worried I was. I woke up a few times in the middle of the night, just urging Helena to kick or make some movement inside so I know that she's ok. Sigh...this is the beginning of motherhood I guess...Well, she finally moved and I could sleep after that....

For the last 1-2 months, it was pretty fun with Helena inside me. She is more responsive now, she would kick whenever/wherever I put my hand on my tummy. My other half and my sisters were surprised that it could be so hard. Sometimes, it comes in a series, the kicks/movement travelling from one side of the tummy to another. During boring meetings at work, I would just look at my tummy and watch the surface of my tummy bob up and down. *ha ha* I try to talk to Helena as much as I can as well...greet her in the mornings, tell her what I might be doing at the moment and also say goodnight to her. So much so, I feel like a mad woman...another sign of motherhood??!

Oh yes, I must take this opportunity to correct Daemonicus on her misunderstood view on my 1st scan of the baby. She had thought that a scope measuring 10 cm wide was inserted into my vagina to scan for the baby. God! 10cm wide? It is 10cm long dear, not wide. The circumference of the scope is probably just about the size of a 20c coin. If it's 10cm wide, I would have died from the pain. It's like giving birth without all the surgery...

Anyway, I am taking my pregnancy photos next Sunday. No, I am not doing a full nude pose like Demi Moore. I am doing something a little more subdued but yet still artistic. I hope the photos will turn out well cos' I would like to be remembered as a 'sexy mama'. *tsk tsk*...Just in case, you wanna know, the photographer is my other half so no qualms about stripping I guess....*hee hee*

Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Movie - War of the Worlds

Maybe I had too high hopes before I watched the movie, I mean, this is Spielberg, we are talking about…..there is just too much hype about this movie.

Anyway, in terms of effects, this movie is nowhere compared to George Lucas’ Star Wars or even Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings….Hmm…as for character development, it’s practically non-existent. The only character Spielberg had focussed on is Tom Cruise and we sort of see him growing from an irresponsible father to a dad who would do his utmost for his children. But thats about it.

Plot? It’s flimsy with too many loop holes. Machines embedded into our earth since before mankind existed? Come on….after all the deep earth drilling, digging, construction mankind had done, you think we would have hit something…The ending is just too convenient as well…I’m not going to say anything about that, watch it if you have nothing much to do on a weekend….it’s still nice to watch Tom running around….

Next movie to look our for? ‘Fantasic 4’and ‘King Kong’. It looks good.